Withdrawal and a revealing; the lying between two stages of alchemical Change. Intimations of the Abyss. The culmination on a personal level of energies created by Change – the surfacing of individual factors hitherto only known on an unconscious level. A process of dis-covery that will lead to insight, (further) knowledge of wyrd; or madness, death.
We drove two hours, through rain and countryside to finally reach our destination: ‘Sainte-Clotilde-de-Horton’ Asylum. Apparently one of the most haunted area in Quebec, which is the source of many legends and tales of horrors in the region. Many dark things were done to the patients in this institution through the years, until it became abandoned. The owner and guardian, passionate about ghost hunting, decided to leave it standing and he goes there regularly to camp and ‘channel’ with the many entities that still wander the desolated corridors.
When we arrived, he came to talk with us for a little while and he prepared us exactly for what we would experience inside: Cold drafts, electronic apparels failures, odd sounds at the third and fourth floors.
Saying that it is exactly what happened is an understatement. Upon entering, we were met with the kind of cold I have only ever experienced in deeply haunted area. It was a cold day outside and it was far colder inside. When stepping in, my friend’s ‘Go-Pro’ dropped dead instantaneously. We explored the first floor for a while which it seemed, was where the dirty experiments happened on the helpless. Then we climbed to the second floor and that is when we started feeling dizzy and unwell, especially in the stairs. A sense of dread and weight fell upon us like it happens in those kind of areas.
We then went to the third and fourth floor and did some martial arts for a while. There were windows all around, giving us a beautiful sight of the courtyard and the large forest. We felt completely out of place, in a different dimension and yet, surrounded, observed by some unseen forces, both cheerful and sad. In the building, I also discovered a gloomy doll which I decided to keep as a ritualistic tool.
I then went up to the fourth floor and separated from my friends for a moment to bring my emotions to the peak. Everything felt so right, so natural, even though it had been prepared in details a few days prior.
- The Order of Nine Angles Sigil
- The Tree of Wyrd Sigil
- Crystal Quartz Tetrahedron
- Haunted Doll
- Sauroctonos Sigil
I kneeled close to a window and placed my three sigils to the ground along with my Crystal Quartz Tetrahedron and the doll. I close my eyes, bathed in the sunlight and the cold wind and started visualizing the sigil of Sauroctonos in my mind. I then took the time to read the poem many times and felt ecstatic. So much so that my entire body was electrified with Goosebumps.
I was staring at the doll, thinking about all the energies which were still a part of this building, of this area. This feeling was fortified even more by the fact that a few droplets of water had fallen on the doll’s head and were flowing down her eyes and cheeks. I repeated outloud:
“Faces are removed and she sits in the stone house unheard.”
I then directed all my thoughts toward my Crystal Quartz Tetrahedron. I walked with it in my hands until we decided it was time to leave. We discussed some more with the owner and then we departed with a sense of accomplishment and joy. We drove through the countryside, enjoying the last rays of the sun and then the starry night.
Coming back home, I rediscovered loneliness and pondered for an hour or two in my room. I felt feverish and tired and yet, enervated. I placed the doll in my altar and washed my clothes but not my body. I wanted to sleep in this energy, in this disturbed aura that I felt, I had brought home with me.
Sauroctonos effectively has the power to awaken the subconscious, especially when channeled in such an area and I must admit that since I went to the monastery, I kept feeling that I was in-between two stages. While exploring the many gloomy rooms, I felt I was receiving confirmation as if I was unlocking certain hidden areas of my character. I also felt deeply inspired by the fact that our adventure at the asylum was an introduction to my upcoming ten days pilgrim walk in France which will happen in roughly a month. Like I did the first time, I am certain that many more discoveries await in the European mountains.
Leaving this place, the last thing I remember were my sigils being moved around by the wind in the large room of the fourth floor. Going back down, we were amazed at how deathly cold it was.
It is immensely hard for me to explain what changes happened through me during this experience. So many different emotions were felt, so many realizations, so many influences. In all honesty, it was overwhelming but extremely satisfying and like everything truly meaningful, it will take me time and dreams to understand how wyrdful this whole ritual was.
-Beldam, 128 yf