Life is the greatest ritual that there is and it is up to each and everyone of us to do what we can to have no regrets when we lay in the coffin. To decapitate our fears and remove them from their illusory roots. To go beyond our limits and be reborn anew, perpetually until our legs, our body, becomes tired like the bark of an old oak and our mind, serene like the waves of the ocean at dawn…
I understand better and better what David Myatt means when he says that every human beings are living according to their very own species of time. Certain experiences -it seems- are beyond the considerations of time and the mundane expectations of others or even, of yourself. You prepare mentally and try to know what to expect, encouraged by the descriptions or previous experiences of others but it ends up to be so different and beyond control. Some people walking the pilgrim trail were formal when describing their transformation but some others, were hardly sure at all of what they were seeking. Some of them are changed after a few days, some others after a few weeks and some others after a year of walking. Some are changed by a sight, a song, a moment or a lover they met during the walk, some by the chants in a cathedral, some by a certain village where certain ancient ways of life, especially Christian ones are still common. Everyone is altered in a very particular way, beyond the understanding of others. It is something intimate, something personal that no one can touch…
My ten days of walk did change me tremendously and brought to light certain things I would have never expected, namely my passion for my loved one and how I would have wished her to be there with me and see what I was seeing and experience what I was experiencing. I was also torn between hardship and the hard earned beauties of nature that were surrounding me, haunting me at every turn. Windy mountains, barren landscapes, medieval villages, stone walls that I imagined only in Scotland or England, fields of sheep’s and cows or even dense and sinister forests where millennial Celtic stones were still standing. Stones we were told, had been used for ceremonial rituals and sacrifices ages ago by northern warriors. The numinosity and the grandeur of the churches were present at every villages and yet, equally as strong were stories such as the ‘Beast of Gevaudan’, legends of werewolves and demonic creatures lurking in the forests along with witches.
On a more personal and practical level, I am very proud of what I accomplished since I am definitively not a trained hiker and was equipped terribly badly for this experience. My bag was not suited for hikes, I had to carry my sleeping bag for six hours a day, everyday and my bag was too heavy, so much so that I had to get rid of certain items the first day. My right foot is also plagued by mycosis which I thought would not bother me at all but led me to have a lot of bulbs all around and make my progress harder. Still, we walked for eight days with an emphasis on visiting since we did not want to miss anything or skip through. We walked over 100km in total, sometimes doing more, sometimes doing less. What I discovered is that you have to follow your own rhythm. Walking with other people is extremely pleasant and I enjoyed every seconds of it but you are actually making it harder for yourself. The last day of walk, I went alone to really challenge myself and it is actually the only day I did not feel tired or did not feel my bulbs on my foot. I walked 16 km in two hours only which is quite an accomplishment considering my equipment and the state of my toes. It was an ecstatic walk and strangely, even though I did it very quickly and surpassed myself, I felt full of vitality and not tired one bit. At the top of the mountains, I would sing continuously ‘Agios O Baphomet’.
On a purely physical level, I kept thinking about the following:
The intention of such techniques, challenges, and experiences, is to provide the candidate with structured, formative, life-changing, experiences – to harshly test them, to begin the process that fundamentally changes (and evolves) their character, developes a self-knowing and certain esoteric abilities and skills, moves them toward individuation, or which destroys/defeats them and thus reveals them as unsuitable – physically, mentally, and in occult terms – for the O9A.
-The Complete Guide To The Order of Nine Angles
Interestingly, I also noticed how many people miss the point of such trails. They remain attached to language, to numbers and useless arguments for hours instead of taking the time to attune with themselves. To go within. I personally, felt like I was at the monastery but more challenged, more confronted to what I really was and how I evaluate myself on a day-to-day basis but most important of all, I felt that the true importance of such experiences is also to be shared with the ones you love. In my free time, I would practice drawing and read poetry or walk around in the villages, appreciating the sun, slowly calcinating my skin or simply watching the birds flying to their nests in the rocks of the ancient buildings. I could also stay for long periods in the deserted churches or cathedrals since in the afternoon, most of the population is sleeping.
I will conclude with what is most evident, what has been evident for me for a few years now and what continues to be most evident in various, numinous ways: Love, compassion and the authentic effort to wisdom, to Lapis Philosophicus is a mandatory process of the human experience. Language, once again, is often, far too often a trap where people get caught on for a million of different reasons. What is important, what is beautiful and simple is not held in any way, shape or form by language. At best, language can scratch these things but never seize them firmly and present them as they are.
Words, arguments, language, and the like, are of the mind; whereas in the state that has just been referred to, there, language has no place. This body respects whatever anyone may say, because each person’s point of view depends on the particular stairway by which he ascends. Whatever idea may be held – be it on a high or low level – it is all the same, so far as this body is concerned.
Furthermore, it is quite certain that Reality is beyond speech and thought Only that which can be expressed in words is being said.
But what cannot be put into language, is indeed That which IS.
-Words of Sri Ananda Mayi.
Do not be afraid to ascend according to YOUR species of time, in accord with what YOUR heart tells you. Anything else is un-spiritual and a product of the ego.
-Beldam, 128 yf